True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
