I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The adults are the big ones right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
