If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
