I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
