So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
