after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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