every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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