epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
