why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
