.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
