Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
