Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
