So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
