So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize