i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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