i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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