She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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