He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
is it fun? or sober?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
