So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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