I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
