saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
