Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
