If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
