The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
