I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
