Betty ford says i'm here all night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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