can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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