I faked an abortion last night.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
