it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
