When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
