So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize