he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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