addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
