I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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