The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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