You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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