Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
