It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
