What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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