i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize