He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
