Can Purell be used as lube?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
