I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
