If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
