can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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