So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
