haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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