Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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