I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I need help removing her.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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