I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
