just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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