i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
