Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
