life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.