so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can