There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
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im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
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I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.