38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
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YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper