Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
