i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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