Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
