Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
