I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
