I puked a lego.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
