having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
