Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
