well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
