I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
