omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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