every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
