Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
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I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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