i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
