had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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