I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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