i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
there is glitter all over my balls
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