There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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