i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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