Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
