Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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