I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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