Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
