Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
