Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
