one might say we're banned from that church
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
