no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
