Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
