In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
