You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
