What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
