you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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