it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
