we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
