Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
