This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
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